Zoe

I have a daughter. Not too many people know about her because she was placed for adoption. Rick and Joanne, the sweet couple who adopted her lived in New York and had a farmhouse in Pennsylvania. Let me tell you how this all came about.
I left my first husband because he was an alcoholic who liked to come home and use me for his punching bag. The boys and I moved in with Lisa, a friend I grew up with. I started dating a man named Don. He seemed very nice at first, but eventually his ugly side began to show. One night, he wanted to have sex and I said no. He took what he wanted anyway. Yes, I guess you could say I was "date raped". As a result, I became pregnant and he somehow found out. He threatened to take the child from me when it was born. I knew there was no way in hell I would let this man have this child. So I ran.
I loaded up my children, their toys, and our clothes in my old station wagon and left town. I drove to Tennessee, hoping I could stay with my ex-inlaws until I could get on my feet. I had $100 in my pocket, and that was all. When we arrived in Tennessee I stopped and called my in-laws to tell them we were coming. Once at their house, I was told they had no room for us to stay because their daughter had left her husband and was staying with them at the time. We slept in the station wagon at night and during the day I took care of business. Within a week I had a job and we were in an apartment in the projects. It wasn't the nicest apartment, but it was quiet and it was a roof over our heads. Needless to say, we had no furniture. I found a small mom and pop type furniture store that sold me a sleeper sofa on credit. By day it was our couch, and at night it was our bed. Brian was only 2 and Robbie was 1 at the time. We were the 3 musketeers, and we would survive!
As time went on, my stomach got bigger. I knew I had to find someone to adopt this child. It wasn't that I didn't want it, I just couldn't see raising another child on welfare in the projects. What could I offer this child? I had nothing. I made $4.25 an hour and got help with daycare and foodstamps from the state. Besides, I knew there were plenty of loving couples out there who would love it and give it all the things that I could not. I was scouring the local paper one day, when an ad jumped out at me. It was a couple wanting to adopt a baby. What the hell, I thought, I would call them and talk to them and just see what they were like. So I did.
The first time I spoke to Joanne on the phone I knew she would be the one. We just clicked immediately and it was like talking to an old friend. Before long, she knew my whole life story and I knew hers. Rick was sweet too, but I didn't get to speak to him as much as her. When the time came for them to admit me to the hospital and do a c-section, I callled Joanne to tell her. They flew down immediately in a private plane and arranged to stay with some friends of theirs in Jackson. The next morning they were there for Zoe's birth. My daughter, the daughter I had always dreamed of having. I was reluctant to see Zoe after she was born, because I was afraid of changing my mind about the adoption. I did go to the nursery and see her through the window. she was beautiful, and I began to cry. I had to get back to my room. The day after she was born, I filled out all the necessary paperwork and spoke with my lawyer. I knew I would go home the next day and I was tearful. Not only because I was losing the daughter I always wanted, but also because I felt as though I were losing a friend. Joanne and I had become very close over the past several months and I treasured our friendship. I knew I would never again have one of those long telephone conversations to look forward to. I missed her already, and she wasn't even gone yet. The evening before I was discharged from the hospital, she came to see me and I hugged her and cried like a baby. She misunderstood my tears and thought I crying because she was taking Zoe. She began to cry too, and pulled a ring off of her finger. It was a beautiful diamond ring, and she offered it to me, saying " you have given me something precious, now I want you to have something precious". I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I can't accept that," I said through the tears. Finally, it dawned on her that what I wanted was her continuing friendship. But we both knew that was not to be.
I left the hospital the next day and went home to my boys and little apartment. A few days later the phone rang. It was Joanne. She just wanted to see how I was feeling and let me know I would be receiving something from her in the mail soon. It was good to speak to her again, but I knew it would be last call I would get from her. A few days later an envelope arrived in the mail. It was letter from Joanne and a picture of Zoe. She's 18 now, and I still have that picture, just in case she ever looks me up. I hope someday she does, but I also hope she's having a wonderful life with Rick and Joanne.