Christmas memories...

Well, Christmas has come and gone once again. This year was nice, but my heart just wasn't in it. Our daughter-in-law Kailey came over and brought Michael with her. It was nice to watch him open his presents, and it reminded me of earlier times when the boys were young. I can remember our first Christmas in Tennessee. The boys were one and three years old. I had just left my ex-husband 6 months before. We were very poor and lived in the projects in Huntingdon, Tn. I had a minimum wage job that payed $4.25 per hour and my check was usually gone after paying daycare, a bill or two, and a few groceries. I didn't have any money for Christmas that year, so I put their names on the angel tree that the Dept. of Human Services sponsored each year. Two days before Christmas the gifts were delivered to our apartment. I quickly hid them away so the boys wouldn't see them. I wondered though, what to do about them? I didn't have a Christmas tree to put them under, so I thought I might pile them up by the door and tell the boys that Santa left them on the porch because we didn't have a chimney (ha!). It was Christmas eve and I had just put the boys to bed when I heard a knock at the door. I opened the door to find a live Christmas tree laying on my front porch and a big cardboard box next to it. I managed to drag the tree into the house. Next came the box. It was filled with everything needed to trim that tree......and I was so grateful for it, I cried as I put it up. The next morning the boys were shocked! They couldn't believe Santa brought them presents AND a Christmas tree! They danced gleefully around it, anxious to open their gifts. There was no disappointment in their eyes that morning as they opened their gifts......they were happy with each and everything they received, no matter how small. By the end of the day they were worn out, and Robert had fallen asleep next to the Christmas tree.
Michael didn't quite fall asleep on us, but he was worn out by the end of the day. I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.

Christmas is Coming!

Well, Christmas is coming...and very quickly too! This year we will set up the Christmas tree, light it up with all the pretty lights and decorations, then think of all the families out there who will have no Christmas this year. The economy has hit all of us very hard, so maybe it's time we started giving of ourselves and the gifts we each possess rather than material things. Our tree may not be filled with lots of prettily wrapped presents this year, but we will still have many gifts, the gift of love being the most important one.

Update

Okay. I have sort of been neglecting this blog lately. But I have a reason, well.....sort of. I have discovered Facebook. I remember when Facebook membership was limited mostly to college students. Everyone loved Myspace. Well now, Myspace is old news and adults have gravitated away from it to Facebook. I was a little leery of signing up for it - thinking that it would be Myspace all over again, but it's not. I have been contacted by folks I went to school with. People I grew up with during the 70's and haven't seen or spoke to since at least 1985. I love it! I love catching up on everyone and seeing the pics they post of their children and grandchildren. I even found some cousins in other states, one of which I haven't seen in 21 years. I'm hoping to see him at Thanksgiving this year when we go to Ohio. Maybe, maybe.

Memory Lane...

This has been a week full of memories for me, both happy and sad. Earlier in the week, one of my patients came in with a Jackson Perkins catalog. As soon as I saw it I thought of my dad. Every spring he would get one of their catalogs in the mail and he would inevitably order his roses from it. One year, he decided to order some grapevines. He thought he would put up a little arbor in the backyard and grow some grapes and maybe get enough to try his hand at making homemade wine. What he failed to realize was the fact that it takes a few years to get grapes hearty enough for wine. The first few summers we didn't get any grapes. Then, when the grapes finally started to come, the birds discovered them. Needless to say, he finally cut those grapevines down. The roses were always beautiful though. He worked hard to fend off the onslaught of Japanese beetles that plagued the roses each summer. He was so proud of those roses! Anyway, that was just something I thought of when I saw that catalog.

I found out on Monday night that there has been two deaths in the family. Not sure why I wasn't told sooner, but my brother didn't find out any sooner either. Both of them were uncles...my mother's brothers. That's an interesting family. Let me fill you in a little. My mom was one of 10 children. Her parents were poor farmers in the hills (deep in the hills!) of West Virginia. Her father died of a heart attack while he was out plowing fields one day, leaving her mother to raise all those children alone. The youngest child was born in 1935, so you can imagine that there was no such thing as public assistance at the time. They did the best they could. Mom used to tell me stories about how her mother would make them dresses from burlap sacks, and each girl had 2 dresses, one to wear and one to wash! Kids these days have no idea how lucky they are. Anyway, these two uncles were the last of those 10 kids, and I'm curious to see how much we all stay in touch now that they are gone. Uncle Don, Uncle Lenn, may you both rest in peace. You are with your family once again.

Just Catching Up

I'm home alone right now and the house is very quiet and peaceful. I always enjoy the quiet because it helps me to think and focus. My husband has gone out for the evening to visit a friend of his. I'm glad. He really needs to get out of this house more. I think he's having a little depression about finding a job. Of course there are jobs out there he could take, but as a truck driver he (and I) prefer he find something local, not an over the road type of job. I think he worries too about going back to a job driving in Nashville traffic. After much discussion about his previous panic attacks, he feels that they were partly caused by dangerous drivers in Nashville traffic. I think he has seen one too many accidents and is deathly afraid of the possibility he could kill someone (or even himself) in that big dump truck. I have faith that he will work it out and the right position will come his way when he least expects it.
I'm enjoying my work with TN Oncology and learning something new every day! The patients are responding to me more and more....I have a few that have specifically asked for me this week when they came in for their treatment. I like that! It makes me feel good to have that connection with them. We've been asked a lot of questions about the H1N1 virus lately and the vaccine due to come out in October. From everything I have heard and read, it seems to present itself as a simple sinus infection and most people feel better the very next day. It's the day after that when they start to become really ill. So, just a word of advice...if you feel like you have, or are getting a sinus infection, go to your doctor. Let him prescribe antibiotics, but ask him to test you for the H1N1 virus as well. It has been surmised that those of us who are older (I mean over 40) are actually less susceptible to it because we may have been exposed to it in the past and just didn't know it at the time. Anyway, we will have the vaccine sometime in October. Our number one priority is to first vaccinate those receiving chemotherapy because of their compromised immune systems. After that, it will be at the doctor's discretion. I hope you all stay healthy!
I've been encouraged by my husband to pick up a hobby. I wasn't sure what type of hobby I wanted to pursue until we went to Hobby Lobby one weekend. As I was walking through the art supplies I began to remember how much I used to love to draw. So, I bought a sketch pad and some pencils and have taken up drawing once again! I haven't drawn since my kids were very young, but I had this picture in my mind that I just really HAD to put on paper. She is an old woman who haunts my dreams......in my dreams I call her "grandmother", but she is not really my grandmother. Anyway, I have done a rough sketch of her and intend to put some finishing features on her soon. I can't wait to see the finished product......if I can just get the eyes and cheekbones right.............

Victoria and TN Oncology

I had dinner Friday evening with an old friend from Vanderbilt. Victoria is one of those friends that you know is always there for you, even though you may not speak every day, or even every week. We talked nonstop for an hour and a half, catching up on everything in our lives from the past year. I didn't realize how much I had missed her. Happy Birthday Victoria!
I love you girl!

I've been very busy with the new job at TN Oncology .....and I absolutely love it!! The nurses there are great and very helpful. I like the fact that the company has a "no gossip" policy. That is something I have noticed...I never hear anyone talking about anyone else behind their back. Everyone seems to get along like one big family ( including the doctors). This next week I will be in class to get my chemotherapy certification. I am so excited! I have been learning how the clinic runs and getting to know the patients. I think I have conquered their computer charting, their IV pumps, and Pyxis machine. All that is left is learning to mix the chemo drugs. It looks fairly easy, but there is some math involved and naturally I worry about mixing up the wrong dose of something. Those chemo drugs are very expensive too, so there's no room for waste. I worry about that. Maybe I worry too much. When I left my job at the nursing home, I agreed to stay PRN and work one weekend a month for them, but I just can't bring myself to actually do it. I think of pushing that med cart up and down the hall and dealing with all the BS in that place and it makes me cringe. I just can't do it.
Well, I guess that's all I have to tell for now. I'll try to update a little more often.

From Lemons to Lemonade!

I believe. I believe that we take what life gives us, make the best of it, and eventually we are rewarded. When I went to work at the nursing home, it severely depressed me. I was depressed because it was not what I wanted. But it was what I needed. I just didn't know it at the time. I cried every day on the way to work. I cried at work because my supervisors gave me a hard time. I cried when I got home from work because I felt like I was less than I should be as a nurse. But as I bonded with my residents I eventually stopped crying and started to feel like I was worth something again. My husband says he admires the way I took a job I absolutely hated and dug in and made the best of it. I have paid my dues, and now it's time for a change. A change I am really looking forward to! I have accepted (with joy in my heart!) a position at Tennessee Oncology's Baptist location. I will become certified as a chemo nurse even though I can't legally administer the chemo. Everyone I have met there has been absolutely wonderful and I can't wait to work with them! The lemons that I have been handed this past year have now been turned into lemonade. And, to make matters even better, my husband has agreed to babysit our grandson during the day while he is laid off from work. So when I come home in the evenings, I have the joy of being greeted at the door by my Michael. He is truely the sunshine in my heart!

Nurse Annie

Well, it's been two weeks since my interview with Dr Smith and he still hasn't called. I guess it just isn't where God wants me to be right now. I can accept that. Some things just are not meant to be. I feel like writing today, so I'm going to tell you about one of my residents. We'll call her Annie (for privacy reasons). Annie came to us from a local hospital a little over a month ago. She had been found in the floorboard of a vehicle covered in feces and urine. She was catatonic and would not speak. Annie is young....about 49 or 50 years old. My heart went out to her before she even came to me because of the situation she was in. Apparently she had had mental issues in the past and had not been taking her medications. I guess that's how she ended up in the floor of someone's car. Annie is great! And the real kicker is that Annie is (was) a nurse. A few of the CNTs I work with can remember working with her at another facility in the past. Annie still won't say much, other than "yes", or "I don't want to" but she certainly remembers being a nurse. I guess it's just one of those things that are burned into a person's memory. Annie is considered a fall risk, yet she walks as well as I do, so she often accompanies me on my med pass, carefully watching me dispense the pills to the residents. At shift change when we count the narcotics, she is present, watching us closely for mistakes in our counting. I often stop and look at her and ask, "Are we doing this right?" She smiles and replies, "Yes". I often wonder if we will ever be able to pull her out of the fog she is in and get to speak. But I just don't know.

The Job Interview

Ok, so I met with this doctor at St Thomas today. Well, actually I met with the HR director first, then his office assistant, then him. His name is Dr M. Kevin Smith. I really think I will like him...we seem to be alot alike. He says is an old fashioned type doctor who likes to spend time with his patients and typically will only see about 16 patients a day. He says likes to spend 30 minutes with each one, and when it's time for a yearly physical he gives them one full hour. When he asked how soon I would be available to start, I told him I would have to give two weeks notice to my current employer. That impressed him. He said his last nurse had been with him three years and just left him in a lurch. So he knows how that feels. He says I will definitely be hearing from him. He wants me to meet with the office manager before we make any decisions. She was out sick, but he said he will have her call me tomorrow. The HR director was very nice and upbeat. She was going to look into bridgeing my time from when I left St Thomas. I could have told her not to bother. I know I have been away too long for that, even if she does not yet know it. If it is meant to be, it will be.

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted so I figured today was as good as any to give it a shot. May was a busy month for me and June is shaping up to be the same. In May I was named "employee of the month" and given the traditional parking space (which I never used!) and got my name put on a plaque for all to see. I sort of felt like that raised the bar for me.....I would have to work harder now to continue with that reputation of excellence that was bestowed on me. And work harder I have! I have been in and out of the Director of Nursing's office (which I affectionately term "the principal's office") complaining about all the sloppy nursing taking place on all three shifts. I guess my type-A personality is just getting worse and I am becoming more anal about things as I get older. It's getting harder to tolerate things that might not have bothered me so much in the past. I thank my anal-ness (is that a word?) to all the wonderful type-A personalities I worked with at St Thomas for all those years! And speaking of St Thomas ( Ireally did leave my heart there!), those folks may be seeing me once again! I have been doing some job hunting recently and I have an interview with a physician there on Tuesday at 4:00pm. So, all of you reading this....please, please say a small prayer that they offer me this job! I love St Thomas and would never have left there had they not had to downsize. But everything happens for a reason, or so I believe, and I feel I have touched the souls I was sent to touch and now it is time to move on.

What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” Albert Pine

Tell Them You Love Them!

Yesterday, my little man called me into his room once again. I bent over his bed like I always do and asked, "What can I do for you?" He turned his head up to look at me and he said, " Give me a kiss." I wasn't sure at first what to say or do, so I replied, " How about one on your cheek? Will that do?" I then leaned down and softly pecked him on the cheek. He looked at me again and said, "Thank you. Now I can say I have been kissed by an angel." He then closed his eyes and went back to sleep. This morning, as I was getting report from the night nurse, she said he had a very restless night and complained a lot that he couldn't breathe. As breakfast was being served, I was called to his room. It was only 7:30. Upon entering the room, I noticed he struggling to breathe, his eyes were open, but unseeing. His muscles jerked and twitched with spasms. I immediately medicated him to make him comfortable and phoned his wife. She came about an hour later, and must have phoned some other family members, because people I had never seen before began filing into his room. One young man was so overcome with grief, that he fell to his knees in the hallway, sobbing uncontrollably. My little man finally passed on at 1:00 this afternoon. It was very peaceful....I made sure of that. My biggest problem of the day seemed to be the family members. These people had never come to visit him. The only visitor my little man had ever had was his wife, who was there every day. How does one place a loved one in a nursing home, never visit them, then when it's time for them to pass, act like the whole world is just coming to an end? I wanted to tell that young man he should have come to see his grandfather and spend time with him while he was still fully with us. The point I want to make is to please, please, every day let the folks you love know how you feel. Whether you say it with words, or actions, find a way to let them know. Don't be like this young man and wait until it's too late.

Yesterday

My heart has truly been touched. I have a resident who is a 90- something year old man. He weighs all of 98 pounds.....like a little skeleton laying in a bed. I have made him my personal project. He came to us with a very deep wound, which I personally am treating. I just can't trust anyone else to give him proper wound care. I want him to heal. He has difficulty breathing...so I give him frequent breathing treatments. I can't imagine how it would feel to suffocate.....and I don't want him to feel that way either. Anyway, went I went in his room yesterday to give him his medications and a breathing treatment, he surprised me by grabbing my hand, something he had never done before. I leaned down and gazed into his brown eyes clouded with cataracts. He said, " Why do you do what you do?" I said, "Excuse me?" not quite understanding what he was asking. He said, " You could be on the streets like a lot of other women. But you chose to do this. Why?" I was dumbfounded. Nobody had ever asked me that, and honestly, I had never really thought about it. It just seemed to come natural to me.....like it's what I was just predestined to do. I said to him, "I do it because I love it." He then surprised me once again by saying, "I have a better answer for you. You do it because God tells you to. You are repaying a great debt to Him with your service." His eyes began to fill with tears and he said, " I love you sister....thank you for all you do for me. I mean that." As I stood there looking into his eyes I couldn't help but cry, the tears began streaming down my face. I said, " You are exactly right. I AM repaying a debt to God. He gave me my mother back when she should have died, and all I did was ask. So yes, I guess you are right." I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him too. He rested quietly the rest of the day. I went back to work last night for 11-7 shift. It was a quiet night. Quieter than usual is what am told. Several of my residents were glad to see me back for the night. A few of them said they would rest better just knowing I was there. They made me feel good, even though I was bone weary. I have come to the conclusion that there is no job more rewarding than nursing.

A Blast From the Past.....Not So Good

Ok, I'm writing this post today strictly to vent. I need to vent, so if you don't want to hear this then you need to get out now. I don't understand why people want to disrupt other people's lives. I am speaking specifically about my ex-husband. I haven't discussed him a whole lot because he is a part of my past that I left behind many years ago. He was a very sick man. An alcoholic who only cared about the people around him when he had something to gain from it. Then he took off. He just disappeared into thin air without telling anyone.....and deeply hurting my boys. For twelve or more years he has not attempted any form of contact, and now.......why now? He and his wife have even sent a friend request to MY Myspace page wanting me to add them on like we have been friends forever. I don't harbor any ill will toward them, but I certainly don't want to be their friend either. I haven't said anything to my husband, who was good enough to pick up Mitch's responsibilities and adopt the boys after we were married. He has loved them and raised them as his own for the last 12 years. I am afraid this will hurt him, and I don't want that to happen. I am, however, trying to keep an open mind about it, thinking this may be good for them, especially Brian. Brian was hurt the worst when Mitch left and I have always said that his anger issues stem from the treatment he received from Mitch. Maybe if they make contact Brian can finally find some peace in his life. I think he will look at Mitch and see himself..... Robbie doesn't even remember him, so for him, it's like meeting a new person for the first time. I just wish I understood the reason for all of this. I suppose he's feeling his age and maybe even facing his own mortality, which is making him think of things he's done wrong and people he's hurt over the years. I hope the boys don't get their feelings hurt once again.

They Lift Me Up

Well, Easter came and went without much drama (thank God!). I had to work, so there was no big Easter dinner at my house this year. It was nice though, to see the visitors at the nursing home all dressed up for Easter Sunday. Many of our residents dressed for the occasion also. A nice dinner was served, and afterward there was an Easter egg hunt for those who wished to participate. All in all it was a nice day. One of my residents went home yesterday. It was my day off, so I didn't get the chance to tell him "goodbye". I wish I had. He was one of my favorites. I knew from the start he would not stay long. He was just there for wound care and physical therapy. Well, he got some really good wound care! I had reached the point where I had refused to allow anyone to treat his wounds but me. I felt like nobody could, or would do as good a job as myself. Yes, I sound conceited, but I think that's the Virgo coming out in me. I want things done perfectly or not at all. I'm that way with all my residents. And I just know that they don't get the same care on my days off as they do when I'm there. I know this because they tell me. They tell about missed medications, missed wound care, not getting turned properly, etc.... It makes me want to be there 24/7. But I know that's impossible. And yes, they are spoiled....to a certain degree, anyway....but that's ok. They deserve it. I really want to look for employment elsewhere, and was actually offered a position recently here in Dickson at a clinic. But every day I go work, and I hand them their medication, and treat their wounds, and joke around with them, and they lift me up. They really lift me up. They make me laugh, they make me cry, they worry me, and aggravate the pee right out of me........but I love each and every one of them. Because they lift me up and keep me going.

Hayden and the Nursing Home

I am a firm believer in the saying "do unto others as you would have done to you". For those of you who have kept up with this blog, you will remember that my grandson Hayden was born last October. It was a traumatic mess for me. Over time I have been good to his mother Vanessa, even at Christmas, when she still wanted nothing to do with me. Well, six months after his birth, I am finally beginning to reap those rewards! She has sent me a few pictures of him (my first look at him!!!) and wants to talk to my husband and I to explain herself and finally allow us to be a part of his life. I have mixed feelings about this. I am afraid she will pull the rug out from under us once we get attached to him. I could not go through that a second time. I see red lights and warning signs everywhere, therefore, I shall proceed very cautiously! ( he does look like Robert!)

On another note, the job at the nursing home is killing me! Two double shifts in one week is just too much! I have a very needy group of residents.......some very sick folks. One woman came to us basically to die. She has breast cancer with mets to the liver and brain. Sometimes she is quite hateful and other times very sweet. I noticed her left leg looked a little swollen the other day, so I ordered a venous doppler on it. It turned out she had a blood clot in that leg that was huge! It went from her groin to her calf! I have never seen such a large clot before! Needless to say, she was ordered to remain on complete bedrest while we attacked it with blood thinners. I explained to her, in no uncertain terms, that she would die if any of this broke off and went to her lungs......and still she fought us on the bedrest. Her reasoning is that she's dying anyway, so......what difference would it make? I guess that mindset is to be expected from someone who is terminal, but I can't accept it. I let her know how much everyone loved her, and told her there was no reason to rush the inevitable. She has since softened up quite a bit, and even gave me a big hug the last time I worked, telling me how sweet she thought I was. My next mission with this lady will be to help her to make amends with her son before it's too late. He lives in Kentucky, and for some unknown reason he has no contact with her. She needs to fix this while she still can. And I will help her.

Blessings

I worked a double shift Sunday. It made for a really long day, but a few of my patients (or maybe I should call them residents) helped make it better. Let me explain. I have one room that two young guys live in. I call them "young" because they really are. One guy (I'll call him John for privacy reasons)is only 51 and the other is only 53. John is a quadriplegic who suffered a spinal cord injury when he decided to get drunk and go swimming in a quarry with his girlfriend. I don't know all the details, but this guy, over the years, has lost both legs just above the knees, has a colostomy, and no feeling below his nipple line. He has been that way since he was in his 30's. His attitude is great though! He is our practical jokester. The one who will have you digging in the closet looking for his shoes (ha!). I have to wonder how he dealt with his injury in the beginning. And how would I handle it if it were me? His roomate (whom I will call Joe for privacy reasons) is a paraplegic who has lost one leg at the knee and has no feeling from the waist down. I don't know what his story is, but he is also very upbeat and happy most of the time. I have bonded with these two jokers, and so they worry about me. Anyway, they often order food because they realize how bad the food in a nursing home is. On Sunday night they decided to order a pizza for for their dinner. Keep in mind that John has to be fed. I agreed to feed him his pizza. When it was delivered I went in their room to feed him. They made me pull up a chair, sit down, and eat pizza with them while feeding John in the process. I spent that 20 minutes just enjoying their company and forgetting I was at work. It made the rest of the night a little easier to get through. It also made me think. How would I react if something happened to put me in the position they are in? I can't honestly answer that question, but I just don't know if I could handle it. To lay in a bed or sit in a wheelchair day in and day out, not being able to move anything but my head and having to rely on other people for absolutely EVERYTHING would be devastating to me. And so I thank God. I thank Him for all that I am, and all the blessings in my life. In our day to day lives, we often don't think of the little things as blessings, but they are. Just being able to brush my own teeth each day, or to pick up the remote to the TV, or even sitting here now and typing this blog.....all are blessings we are given each day. How would we feel if they were taken away?

Mikey Pics!

Update

A close friend of mine recently gave me a gentle reminder that I haven't updated this blog for awhile......so here I sit, sipping my coffee and attempting an update. You know, it's funny how time changes us. When my boys were little they were my whole life. We did everything together and were very close. I played games with them, colored in their coloring books with them, even let them sleep in the bed with me when they felt like it. These days though, I have a hard time chasing after toddlers (my grandson). He just seems to be into everything, and for some reason I just don't remember the boys acting like that at that age. Maybe I have just forgotten what it was like. But I love my grandson Mikey. He'll be one year old on March 3rd and I can't believe this year is gone already. Tempus fugit my friends.
I'm still working day shift at the nursing home. It's not as depressing as it used to seem. I think they have finally accepted me. Well, most of them anyway. "Them" being the people that have worked there awhile. Since I am in the minority I have had to work hard to make acquaintances and earn a little respect, but things are progressing. The state was in this week for our yearly survey. Good news there.........we had no tags, meaning they found nothing wrong and we got a perfect score with the state! Two months ago I would not have believed this. My Director of Nursing picks on me lot. She says it's because I'm a good nurse and can be better. Well, I believe that nursing comes from the heart. If you have a good heart, you will be a good nurse. I came to nursing because I felt it was what I was called to do, although I really wanted to be a doctor. I think if I were a doctor, I would make housecalls to the elderly and infirm, or the poor who have no transportation to get out to the doctor's office. A truly good doctor works from the heart also...........just like a good nurse.

Job Update and the Inauguration

Whew! This has really been a rough month! I have endured the 3-11 shift shift as long as I can and will be starting day shift on Monday. This is good and bad. Good because I am a morning person. I love to rise early and enjoy the quiet of the house before my husband stirs. The bad part is that I am afaid day shift will be really rough. That place always seems to be nothing but chaos during the day! And the state inspectors will be in any time now. I dread the thought of one of them following me around and watching every move I make. It makes me feel like I'm back in nursing school going through clinicals again. But I love my patients, so I guess it's worth it. One of them asked me why I was so nice to her when the other nurses didn't have time to help her. I told her that I tried to do all I could for anyone who needed me, because I may need help some day myself and I want the same treatment in return. I would hate to ever have to rely on someone to take me to the bathroom or wipe my butt for me, but if I did, I would want prompt and courteous attention. I think that's the least we can do for our elders.

I woke up early on Tuesday to watch the inaguration of Barrack Obama. I wanted to see everything....as much as I could! I was actually very excited about it. I think our country made the right choice when he was elected, and feel that he will bring about some very exciting changes. I cried just thinking about it, and how proud his family must be! He worked very hard to get where he is today. That is just proof that anyone can do anything they want with a little hard work and determination! I can't wait to see what the next four years will bring!

Happy 2009!

Happy 2009! I hope this year turns out to be better than last year.....no, I KNOW it will! I am confiidant it will! And I wish only the best for my family and friends for 2009. I know some of you had a really rough and uncertain year, but for some it turned out for the best and it will only get better. I still hate my job, but that will change eventually. I know there is something more for me out there, I just have to be patient and accept what is....for now, anyway. There is just so much darkness in that place. It doesn't feel like a good or happy place to be. I've never seen so many elderly folks so doped up on so much narcotics. It really bothers me. It bothers me that a doctor would prescribe so much, and that a nurse would actually give them as ordered! Anyone who has worked with the elderly know narcotics only confuse them more....how can you do any kind of reality orientation with someone whose brain is fogged with pain pills? I just don't know. I just don't.