Yesterday

My heart has truly been touched. I have a resident who is a 90- something year old man. He weighs all of 98 pounds.....like a little skeleton laying in a bed. I have made him my personal project. He came to us with a very deep wound, which I personally am treating. I just can't trust anyone else to give him proper wound care. I want him to heal. He has difficulty breathing...so I give him frequent breathing treatments. I can't imagine how it would feel to suffocate.....and I don't want him to feel that way either. Anyway, went I went in his room yesterday to give him his medications and a breathing treatment, he surprised me by grabbing my hand, something he had never done before. I leaned down and gazed into his brown eyes clouded with cataracts. He said, " Why do you do what you do?" I said, "Excuse me?" not quite understanding what he was asking. He said, " You could be on the streets like a lot of other women. But you chose to do this. Why?" I was dumbfounded. Nobody had ever asked me that, and honestly, I had never really thought about it. It just seemed to come natural to me.....like it's what I was just predestined to do. I said to him, "I do it because I love it." He then surprised me once again by saying, "I have a better answer for you. You do it because God tells you to. You are repaying a great debt to Him with your service." His eyes began to fill with tears and he said, " I love you sister....thank you for all you do for me. I mean that." As I stood there looking into his eyes I couldn't help but cry, the tears began streaming down my face. I said, " You are exactly right. I AM repaying a debt to God. He gave me my mother back when she should have died, and all I did was ask. So yes, I guess you are right." I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him too. He rested quietly the rest of the day. I went back to work last night for 11-7 shift. It was a quiet night. Quieter than usual is what am told. Several of my residents were glad to see me back for the night. A few of them said they would rest better just knowing I was there. They made me feel good, even though I was bone weary. I have come to the conclusion that there is no job more rewarding than nursing.

A Blast From the Past.....Not So Good

Ok, I'm writing this post today strictly to vent. I need to vent, so if you don't want to hear this then you need to get out now. I don't understand why people want to disrupt other people's lives. I am speaking specifically about my ex-husband. I haven't discussed him a whole lot because he is a part of my past that I left behind many years ago. He was a very sick man. An alcoholic who only cared about the people around him when he had something to gain from it. Then he took off. He just disappeared into thin air without telling anyone.....and deeply hurting my boys. For twelve or more years he has not attempted any form of contact, and now.......why now? He and his wife have even sent a friend request to MY Myspace page wanting me to add them on like we have been friends forever. I don't harbor any ill will toward them, but I certainly don't want to be their friend either. I haven't said anything to my husband, who was good enough to pick up Mitch's responsibilities and adopt the boys after we were married. He has loved them and raised them as his own for the last 12 years. I am afraid this will hurt him, and I don't want that to happen. I am, however, trying to keep an open mind about it, thinking this may be good for them, especially Brian. Brian was hurt the worst when Mitch left and I have always said that his anger issues stem from the treatment he received from Mitch. Maybe if they make contact Brian can finally find some peace in his life. I think he will look at Mitch and see himself..... Robbie doesn't even remember him, so for him, it's like meeting a new person for the first time. I just wish I understood the reason for all of this. I suppose he's feeling his age and maybe even facing his own mortality, which is making him think of things he's done wrong and people he's hurt over the years. I hope the boys don't get their feelings hurt once again.

They Lift Me Up

Well, Easter came and went without much drama (thank God!). I had to work, so there was no big Easter dinner at my house this year. It was nice though, to see the visitors at the nursing home all dressed up for Easter Sunday. Many of our residents dressed for the occasion also. A nice dinner was served, and afterward there was an Easter egg hunt for those who wished to participate. All in all it was a nice day. One of my residents went home yesterday. It was my day off, so I didn't get the chance to tell him "goodbye". I wish I had. He was one of my favorites. I knew from the start he would not stay long. He was just there for wound care and physical therapy. Well, he got some really good wound care! I had reached the point where I had refused to allow anyone to treat his wounds but me. I felt like nobody could, or would do as good a job as myself. Yes, I sound conceited, but I think that's the Virgo coming out in me. I want things done perfectly or not at all. I'm that way with all my residents. And I just know that they don't get the same care on my days off as they do when I'm there. I know this because they tell me. They tell about missed medications, missed wound care, not getting turned properly, etc.... It makes me want to be there 24/7. But I know that's impossible. And yes, they are spoiled....to a certain degree, anyway....but that's ok. They deserve it. I really want to look for employment elsewhere, and was actually offered a position recently here in Dickson at a clinic. But every day I go work, and I hand them their medication, and treat their wounds, and joke around with them, and they lift me up. They really lift me up. They make me laugh, they make me cry, they worry me, and aggravate the pee right out of me........but I love each and every one of them. Because they lift me up and keep me going.